Just like every other matter, we tend to have more negative points than positive ones. It's either cz that's how we, humans tend to think(always complaining, never satisfied) or there really is more cons than pros.
As I'm writing, it's 25 days away from my first year anniversary with my favourite person. It wasn't a flawless, smooth-sailing journey across the sea, but I wouldn't say it was like living on the edge of a rocky cliff.
Being in an LDR, both parties involved has a number of things we have to come to terms with. So, when I put my foot into this foreign situation, I had my mind set and remind myself that, every relationship isn't an easy one, even more so if it's an LDR.
Basically, it's because you don't get to meet the other person when you have an issue to talk things out face to face, if you say there's Skype, let me tell you, it's different. It's very different talking to a person on Skype and literally face to face. You can't make him/her listen, he/she could just hang up on you anytime or..you can't tug on his sleeve. Okay, that's not what I would do(and please don't do what I just wrote) haha I just don't know how to put down in words in what way it's different. Maybe you can't have the after-fight hug? Or you don't get to wipe his/her tears off their faces, or you just don't get to look into each others eyes just because.
I'm certainly no expert in this field, I have lots to learn and endure still, and I'm so looking forward to all of it. Keeping my fingers crossed :)
So, let's get things started!
CONS:
1) Time zones, for sure
Look forward to waiting for the other person to be online, hoping it's every moment then. See, there's work or studies, you both live upside down of the day, awake at different timings. Time zones are a real pain in the ass.
So, I have this thinking of I have to grab him any chance I get! I mean, do the math. On a day off from school, I only get to talk to him from say 8am-12pm. That's 4 hours a day. It's not very much to ask for, I figured. But actually, as I'm typing this now, it's does seem a bit too much. Then again, how less am I suppose to talk, right? So yes, I think I kind of loosen up a bit on that matter, I try not to bug him that much and stop spamming on Facebook Messenger LOL
ps: I'm not the crazy-obsessed freak in the movies like The Room mate, though my description may make me seem to be...a little bit.lmao
2) No physical touch
No hugs, kisses, cuddles, massages..nothing. In my relationship, what we do is, we put the actions we wanna do in asterisks.. i.e. *hugs you tight*, *quick peck on your cheek*, *smack you then runs away*. That's our way of coping with it.
3) No one to be by your bedside when you're not feeling well
You don't get the special treatment, or I should say extra attention from him/her to be by your bedside, sponging you when you're running a fever. Well, maybe that's only in the movies. But it sucks to feel like he/she doesn't care when logically, there's nothing they can do about it. I for one, would appreciate just by having him tell me to drink lots of water and take my medication or eat even if I don't have the appetite. I'm old enough to know all that, but it shows that he cares.
4) Postage fee can be pricey
There's his/her birthday, Valentine's Day, anniversary and Christmas and....just because :P See, being in a regular short distance relationship, you can just drive over to his/her place to pass them the gift or when you meet up.
I know, both parties can discuss things out and it's not mandatory to present them gifts for all those occasions. So, think about it... if you can afford it or not, or maybe you're the kind which settles on one of the many special days, but make a BIG BANG! out of it. Whatever decision you make, I don't see the wrong of it. It's the matter of preference :)
Speaking of which, I was damn pissed off with the postage fee yesterday. RM60 for registered mail? I had the shock of my life! As I can remember, I paid about RM30 for my Valentine's Day package, which was a tad lighter. Maybe they increased the postage fee or I overlooked it. Nevertheless, I mailed it today after school for RM58.
5) Moments of insecurities
Where trust matters most, it really sucks when you're having one of those days. I get that pretty badly during my period or before it, my PMS-ing, I suppose. I get teary eyed very easily, I get sensitive to whatever he says, I wouldn't say I sulk..but I get kinda pissed off at him and what not lah. Then, I'll go to bed hugging my pillow with his shirt, tearing up, thinking if he doesn't want me anymore. haha Yup, it's pretty bad.
I trust him. It's just that I feel he's such a good catch, that other girls are gonna eye him..and he's a guy, so you know, they may stray easily :X I'm not saying girls won't stray! (Less likely though :P) Okay, I'm done now.haha
But yeah, PMS or not, there will be times when you start thinking about your relationship, wondering if the relationship will progress further or will either of us make the decision to move on without the other. I guess the way to conquer it is to talk. It'll take the other to give you the assurance and comfort you. Plus, I feel that we should know how we're feeling. So if I sense something off about it, I'll make him tell me.lol I thank God that Joe has been really patient with my times of insecurities :)
6) Money for travelling purposes
Travelling to meet up with your loved one is a definite thing. It's easy for people to ask when you're going to meet up and what not. While I noticed many LDRs are far, but reachable by travelling a few hours by car..or flight that's costly, but if given time, you can save up for that amount easily.
While mine, on the other hand, we're 14469.88km(or 8991.71miles) apart. It'd cost be about RM5000-RM7000 for a return ticket. Well, about RM4600 from websites like kayak.com, momondo.com or wego.com. US Visa would cost me about RM500.
Hence, it'll take me a job or two and lots of saving to get to that sum. Oh, and lots of praying XD
PROS:
1) Stronger relationship
Being in an LDR can really test your relationship almost any time. So, be smart. Don't let emotions get the best out of you. Though I can be really whacked up and retarded, he'll be there for me. And I try to be there for him as much as I can :)
The hardships we go through will definitely make our relationship stronger. You, there! It may be tough at times, but if you manage to go through it, it'll add strength points!
Joe has this principle of wanting to make it work so when we're old, sitting with our friends, he can proudly say he went across the globe for me and we managed to make us last. Just the thought of being next to him, drinking tea and enjoying the smug look he has on his face when we're old and grey...it makes me really happy and even more hopeful than before :')
2) A higher chance to travel
You see, anyone can travel at any time they want, as long as they have the money, right? If you don't, but you want to visit and explore a foreign land, the fact that you just have to meet your guy/girl forces you to save money and really go all out to fly there. Otherwise, we may tend to procrastinate and not be as strict or disciplined with ourselves.
And when you're there, the plus side is you have a free tour guide! :P It's not like you can't explore or go to places with your short term relationship boyfriend/girlfriend la.. let's just look at the benefits for the travelling aspect, okay? lol
And and andddd....what's better than having free accommodation when on vacation, right?!! No doubt, hotel with stars would be awesome to spend nights there..but when one's on budget, saving on accommodation is always appreciated!
If I can afford, I'll probably stay a night or two in a nice, lofty hotel. Of course, we'll split the cost lah hehe
As I was saying, free accommodation= his house. I'll take his bed, he can have the couch! :P hahaha no lah, I'm not that evil. We could build bed forts out of blankets! That'll give us a cozy space to share :D
Most importantly, I feel excited to move around and explore places he's been to and grew up in. So much history!
3) Get to know how they're thinking, talk and feel
The other vital thing to an LDR besides trust is communication. I wouldn't say in a regular relationship, you don't need communication...just that in an LDR, communication is even more important like..to the power of 1000000!
As a result, you'll get to know what they're thinking and how they feel about things. You also tend to pay more attention to them since every single tiny bit of them, that's all you have, so it becomes very important to you.
You'll not only know how their brain works, the way they talk..like mine's the 'lah' and 'can?' or just my Malaysian accent.lol I guess, it's just more prominent if all you have is Skype and texts.lol
4) Not clouded by sex
I guess this means you don't just switch the lights off and jump straight to bed for some business(like how Puan Florence, my History teacher relates not having electricity during the ancient times, that all they could do was "sleep early", thus, reproducing and increasing in population haha).
It's not because you don't have a bed lah, but more like if you were together in person, there's a much higher chance to get all kinky and horny, right? So sexting is kinda far from that and you'll tend to discuss other things like how your day went, planning future dates and laughing at each other.
5) Fun to receive packages
In this information technology age, people become less bothered to buy stamps or head to the post office. By using the internet, not only is it free, but it saves time too. However, I feel that it loses all meaning to it.
If you take time to write a letter and send gifts, it shows you cared enough to set a side some time for the recipient. What's worse is that there's the automatic e-card to wish a friend on their birthday. You're not even the one sending it and everyone else is receiving the same message! Gosh!
Personally, I love receiving mails, both letters and packages. It's so fun! I really feel the specialness of myself that the sender allocated some time just for me!
Being in an LDR, the postal service is one service you have to rely on. So, it'll be fun for both the sender and recipient! :D
6) Forced to be more creative when it comes to dates and gifts
Having limited resource like time and money makes us think in depths of what to get for him/her. If you meet up and spend some time with them, it's just for a period of time. That'll make you give your all into doing things together to make great memories!
You don't get to drive over to their place just for fun or surprise them with a weekend getaway on their birthday or even make a candlelight dinner happen for Valentine's Day. So when you get the chance to do it, you'll do it all..instead of maybe going to the same cafe over and over again.
pps: PROS: #3-#6 is by Joe
It's gonna be our FIRST anniversary on Monday, 29th October. Wheeheeee! :D
Rather useful XD
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